Advising Administrator Suspected in Fat Bear Week Ballot Box Stuffing

Scandal. Intrigue. The American West. No, we aren’t talking about the Limerick story (we’ll leave that to news outlets with less to do!). We’re talking about the Fat Bear Week scandal that rocked the nation.

Katmai National Park announced on Twitter last week that they discovered a serious case of voter fraud during the semi-final round between 747 and 435 Holly. It seems that shortly before voting closed, 435 Holly received several thousand suspicious votes that would have pushed her ahead of 747. After a thorough investigation, Katmai threw out the suspicious votes, moving 747 to the finals where he ultimately lost to 901, who some say gained weight quite suddenly just before voting opened.

The story doesn’t end there. Although no names have been released, authorities are pointing to one CU Boulder advising administrator as their primary suspect. Rumors are also flying about a possible underground gambling ring within the advising and coaching community. Some even claim that multiple members of the advising and coaching community may have committed voter fraud. “I overheard Tabs telling someone she was heading to Alaska to stuff the 901!” said an anonymous source whom we’ll call Nim Koice to protect their identity.

The Bacon was unable to find Tabitha Lannom for comment. It seems Tabs hasn’t been seen in weeks.