The winner of this year’s A&S AAC Annual Ugly Sweater Contest was one very stunned academic coach. “I was at the staff appreciation event asking a colleague a series of open-ended questions when, suddenly, I was whisked away to the front of the party where other people in really beautiful sweaters sat smiling away,” reminisced the coach. “The next thing I knew, I was dubbed the winner of the festive sweater competition! I’m told my prize is the honor of having the most holiday spirit.”
While this year’s winner appears blissfully unaware of what they actually won, an anonymous source told The Bacon that this happens at the A&S AAC holiday party nearly every year, and the honor is not usually so well received.
“We clearly can’t figure out a system for knowing who actually entered the contest, so it’s about time we scrap the whole thing,” said the source. “Last year’s winner cried for hours about how their Dear Aunt Theta hand-knitted the sweater from loose hairs collected over the years from the winner’s now-deceased childhood dog. What am I supposed to do with that?!”