CU Well-Represented at Tokyo Olympics Thanks to New “Honey, I Blew Up the Kid” Technology

After years of secret experiments, CU Boulder researchers have finally unveiled their Huge Athlete-inator, a molecule-enhancing machine that enlarges athletes to four times their normal size. Three CU-affiliated athletes competing in the postponed 2020 Tokyo Olympics have participated in the affectionately dubbed “Honey, I Blew Up the Kid” research project. “We may have fewer former students at the Tokyo Olympics than some universities,” said Professor Bruce “Hulk” Banner of the Molecular, Cellular, & Developmental Biology Department, “but we certainly don’t have less! We have the best university representation by volume!” Banner and his team, who expected to unveil their research in 2020, had to scramble to hide the project for a full year so the US could keep its huge advantage at the rescheduled Olympics. “Fortunately, grocery stores started delivering and most social interactions took place over Zoom this past year, so it was easier to keep our blown up athletes hidden. But we were still very cautious,” explained Banner, “We surrounded our enlarged athletes with other huge things – like Great Danes, Hummers, and McMansions – so that their size would be less obvious.”