CU Boulder to Quell Quad Advising with Fish Fertilizer

The Office of the Chancellor released a statement today announcing that the university will apply fish fertilizer to Norlin Quad throughout the coming month in an effort to halt plans by some academic advisors to hold appointments on the quad. “This fish fertilizer approach proved extremely effective in putting a stop to the large 4/20 gatherings that once plagued our campus each year,” the statement said. “We anticipate that this tactic will be equally successful in this case.”

This announcement comes just as advisors realized they have no idea how to run power and phone lines to their tents. Furthermore, because these tents are officially office furniture, advisors have had to order them from CCI. “I don’t think I really understand what a modular office tent is,” one advisor said, “but I can tell you that they are expensive, poor quality, and quite possibly just a cubicle with a tarp over it.”