PTS: “Nobody has even asked about prorated parking”

After a mob of angry faculty and staff members marched on Parking & Transportation Services on Monday demanding to have their requests for prorated parking passes heard, PTS broke a several months-long silence and addressed the crowd under protection of CUPD.

“We appreciate your frustration,” said a PTS spokesperson, “but we also find it extremely confusing. Nobody has even asked about prorated parking. This is the first we are hearing about it.”

Many protesters have since described questioning whether they had actually sent that email asking to only have to pay for parking for their in-person days as they return to campus in a hybrid capacity. Was PTS telling the truth, or was this perhaps the largest known group example of the Martha Mitchell Effect?

PTS explained in an interview with The Bacon that they had fully anticipated requests and logistical needs regarding hybrid work expectations this fall, so they hired a full-time staff member to address the concern. “All inquiries go straight to Ada,” explained the PTS spokesperson, “and Ada remains inquirieless.” Ada Lovelace, PTS’s Hybrid Modality Specialist, could not be reached for comment. In fact, Ada Lovelace did not appear to exist in CU’s HR system at all. Even a Google search for “Ada Lovelace” only resulted in information on the famed Mother of Computer Science. Coincidence? 

After submitting a freedom of information request, The Bacon gained access to records that revealed the true identity of Ada Lovelace: ADA, or Automated Deletion Algorithm, is a project funded by Financial Futures to delay – possibly permanently – employees’ ability to only pay for the parking that they are using. Unfortunately for PTS patrons, the ADA Project, like all Financial Futures projects, was unnecessary. It seems CU’s crappy software makes it impossible to prorate parking permits.

One of the many documents acquired through the freedom of information request.