The Campus Advising Executive Council (CAEC) announced amid self-congratulatory high-fives and chest-bumps today that they have found the solution to advisor turn-over.
“Advising is going gig!”
After calming down enough to give a semi-coherent explanation of what in the world CAEC could possibly be talking about, Shelly Bacon, Associate Vice Provost for Advising and Exploratory Studies, told reporters that the campus would no longer hire professional staff to backfill advising positions, but would, instead, turn to gig workers.
Unlike professional advising staff, gig advisors have the option to be 100% remote, enabling them to advise on complex curricular issues while Dashing Chipotle around town. “This, along with the many other perks of being a gig worker, should make the University more competitive among early-career hipsters,” said Bacon.
Gig advisors will also be free to live anywhere within the US, they will not need to submit COVID-19 vaccination and booster records, and they will not be required to wear pants as long as they keep it classy.
“These people aren’t eligible for benefits and will be paid even less than normal advisors, so we figured we needed to entice them somehow.”
Between the lack of benefits and the lower salaries of these gig advisors, the University expects to save tens of hundreds of dollars in the next five years alone!